One With The Force

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In line for The Force Awakens

On Facebook tonight, I posted “Adam is one with the Force” on a lark.

I just didn’t know how prescient that would be. I won’t be giving any spoilers here, but you will see Rogue One, and you will know what I mean. And you will know the Force is real.

Seeing Rogue One by myself so soon after Adam’s death might be one of the hardest things for me, more so than the holidays, or maybe even birthdays or anniversaries. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, this was our goal through his illness… he promised he would be around to see Rogue One with me.

I forgive him for not keeping that promise. I know he tried his hardest, just as I did.

But oh, how glorious would our experience have been. I had a lame crowd because without him I chose to not go 3D. With him, I would have. Every Easter Egg, every cameo, would have delighted both of us. Fans will pick up on many of them. I can’t wait to see more of them each time.

We would have held hands because I still did that in movies with him. Shared the big popcorn and bought the giant souvenir cup of Coke to share. He would have snuck in candy. We would have squeezed our hands every time some throwback came up. I would have said “Dude, that one guy is hot!” because that’s what I do (I’m talking Diego Luna here). He would have responded “That Jyn chick isn’t so bad either.” I would have had to get up and pee halfway through, but I would have come back and Adam would have said “You didn’t miss anything.” You know why, because I am the fucking fastest pee-er in the world!

He would have loved seeing it was Alan Tudyk voicing the droid. Firefly connection!

I would have said “I hope Tsuneo Sanda does a poster with all the Rogue One characters. Then it will be our new autograph poster!” That would have excited us—a new poster goal!

We would have come home and immediately talked about when we were going back to see it.

Also, there is ONE QUOTE in the movie that would have definitely become a go-to quote in our relationship. If you know what it is, post in the comments. Up there with “Mostly” from Aliens, “Poke it with a stick,” “Hold me like you did on Naboo” and “It’s naht a tumor.”

I used to say if I believed in anything, it was the Force. I said it off-handedly because what really does that mean?

I don’t know.

But I bet Adam does.

 

Nerd Shirts

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Adam’s all-time favorite T-shirt

Had to ask for help tonight. I needed someone to get me started on laundry and cleaning out the refrigerator, so I texted Kathy. Of course, she was here with dinner and Tom, her very handy husband!

But the most important task was moral support. My friend Laurie plans to make a quilt out of Adam’s favorite T-shirts, and I needed someone there as I picked them out. His favorite “Nerd Shirts.” I probably picked out too many, but here they are (NERDS!) in no particular order.

  1. Blue Sun
  2. Mal and Cobb as Calvin and Hobbes (They aim to misbehave)
  3. Black Marc Ecko Stormtrooper motorcycle design
  4. Stay-Puft Marshallow Man
  5. “Blink”
  6. Jesus as a barcode
  7. Starfest Star Trek shirt (from our last Starfest!)
  8. Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Klingons
  9. Romulan Ale: Legalize It!
  10. Spanked (I honestly don’t know what this was, a band?)
  11. His most worn Team USA shirt (because he was so proud of his work with the USOC)
  12. The aberrant “ou are the result of 3.8 billion years of evolutionary success. Act like it.” He had two of these because this one, ironically, came without the opening “Y.”
  13. The design of the “Trojan Rabbit” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  14. Wocka Wocka Wookie

Oddly, these are hard to part with, even though I would never wear any due to our, um, chest size difference. Lauri is planning to get flannel backing that matches the color of his Clan Currie tartan used for the wedding kilt.

Going through his closet was difficult, and I’m glad I had a friend. Every shirt, pair of shorts, pair of pants, has a memory associated with it. Also, for fuck’s sake, Adam, you absolutely refused to throw clothes away. So many. I just had to shut the closet when I was done. I’m not ready to go through this stuff yet.

Is anybody?